FA-FA-FA-FA-FUCK YOU!

The past

I'm really getting in to old shit lately. I've been listening to classic rock and stuff, but now, my tastes for the past are beginning to grow past just music. Movies! I wish I had Turner Classic! I wanna see Midnight Cowboys soon, and Gilda.

I FEEL LIKE SHIT.

Never too early for film talk

Couldn't sleep, well I did, but I woke up. I also got a stomach ache. A friend of mine once told me, "Don't force yourself to sleep if you can't", so I'm not. I'm not just going to be here rambling, I'm gonna do some net surfing too, and listen to this new Richard Marx album I got.

I fixed up this picture a little in Photoshop before I posted it. Nothing serious, just raised the color a bit, and sharpened for the screen. I really like film. Film does an incredible job with handling such a great dynamic range of light. Exposures with film, I know I don't have to worry about the background so much, especially the extremes, such as the sky or the shadows.

With this picture, you can see the sky isn't blown out to some super ugly white sky, or the dark areas of the buildings in the background aren't just completely black. When I shot this, it was an overcast sky and the sun was getting ready to go down. The film I used for this shot was Fuji film Provia 100 I think, it's a 120 roll. I took this from a friend of mines' building. Something about this light pole, when I saw it I knew I had to take a picture of it.

I wish I had a good medium format scanner, and lots of $ for film and development. I really like shooting medium format and film in general. They better not stop making it. I plan to use it as long as I can. There's something special about it I can't explain. It's like the difference between running on a treadmill in some crowded stinky gym or running barefoot outside on a sandy beach, feeling the cool air against your body and hearing the sounds of waves approaching the shore. LLLaammeeeee... I know shudup. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's more human.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go take a shit. Goooodnight!

Starbucks

It was nice going for a walk, the sun was out and it wasn't cold. After shoppers I decided to get some tea at the new Starbucks they built by my place. I've always been a Timmies person, and was bias towards Starbucks. I always thought the people in there looked snooty. You know, those "artsy fartsy" types, with shiny macs on their laps, thick frames, and clothes that look like it was either bought at a garage sale or a thrift store, probably both. Go here to see what I mean : http://www.yourscenesucks.com/.

I don't know why I didn't like those types. I think it might be because I see so much of them, they all sorta look the same. When there's so much of the same and they are always together in the same areas, they just come off like fakes, posers, just trying to look "hip" and be part of a crowd. It didn't bother me, it wasn't like I'd see them and think "aw fuck, I hate those guys". I wasn't totalllly ignorant. I mean, who knows, maybe every single one of them loves Apple products, loves mixing wacky retro clothes together, loves that sturdy feeling thick frames can only provide, and especially loves hangin' out at Starbucks like no tomorrow. Okay that's totally mean, I guess what I'm saying is, I want to still give them the benefit of the doubt.

Either way, I just figured I didn't want to be around them, maybe I felt like I wasn't going to fit in or I just really liked Timmies. Besides, I really didn't like that whole "venti, grande, tall" bullshit. I get it, I get it, its all Italian and shit, and "venti" is twenty in Italian, and a "venti" is around 20 ounces at Starbucks, but geebus come on.

Anyway, I sorta liked just sitting there drinking my tea today. It was nice, they had nice music playing. That's what's very different than Timmies. Music really adds to the atmosphere. Of course their interior design is pretty nice too. I'm not saying I hate that very utilitarian style of Timmies, it's all about function with Timmies. Starbucks is about pleasure I guess. The crowd's always like 15 years younger than your common Timmies crowd, which is sorta nice. I was really getting depressed being surrounded by old people. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, it was nice. Plus, this Starbucks wasn't really packed with a lot of scenesters.

I cleaned and organized my room a bit, it has been a mess lately. I took a picture of my little coffee table, which I now use keep some books. I need to go to Ikea or something, get one of those book braces that holds a pack of books together from tipping. Yes, I took a picture of it, I liked how it looked.

Goodbye cave, hello cheese storm

It's been a long time since I blogged about anything. I have a lot to say, but usually I'm too lazy to say it, or I'm too embarrassed. I figured it's time to stop being lazy, and start being productive and true to myself.

Today has been a hard day, but also a day that has made me truly look at myself and face my weakness. I finally just broke apart today. I've been holding my pieces together, but I was a fool to think I could do it forever. I've learned I'm weak sometimes, just like everyone. I'm not some super human who can fix is own problems without the help of others. I've realized, friends, if they truly are your friends, won't judge you, but will help you no matter what. They will help guide you out of that dark cave, as super cheesy as that sounds.

I'm going to try to be more open, starting here. So for anyone who comes by, I sorry for this cheesy as post. For someone else, I'm sorry, I will truly try my best to be a better man from now on.

<:)