Eugh...

I had to go buy a fucking suit today for friday. This is where it began.

I remember, a long time ago I used to be so carefree, no worries or anything, just living it up. I can't really say things have stayed the same. Everything is such a burden now. I am constantly tired, and If left alone for the slightest second, I will fall asleep. Theres a cloud above my head. Its shaped into letters spelling out "University." The cloud carries a knife and chains. It talks to me. It says it can't wait to chain me to a stone labelled responsibility. And sever any memory of fun I've ever had in my life.

So what if I go to University. Sure, I put a great fucking effort to get in. I raised my average 10-15 percent already just to give up 30 thousand dollars and all my freedom for the next 8 years. These fucking 9 years will make or break how I spend the rest of my life. But I'm so lazy. Its 3 am.

I'm tired but I can't sleep. I have to treasure every second of freedom I have. However its a double edged blade. Tomorrow, I am going to be so fucked up tired, I won't be able to study and I'll be even more miserable. So I sleep. Then I wake up feeling I've wasted another day, and cant focus. Repeat. My family expects too much of me. I'm a procrastinator and can't finish shit. I have roughly 10 unfinished projects I have worked on that ended up in failure. Have you seen my eyes lately? When I'm in a normal state, I don't need those fucking glasses. Add stress and lack of sleep, my eyes fuck up and everything goes blurry. EVERYTHING. Today I walked into a door. I thought it was open.

I walk into a lot of things. I end up falling into some trap and I can't get out. I have no idea how this world works. Someone wants to meet up with me. Hesitate. Hesitate. BYE. The opportunity is gone.

I am worthless. I am unskilled. I say I am a lot of things that I am not. Im a fucking ugly piece of shit that should've died a long time ago.

I just swallowed this bottle of toxic shit I found downstairs. I'm not afraid. I hope you all have a great life, and come to your senses as quick as possible.

If this is where I say I love you I still won't say it. God I am so fucked up.
Goodbye.

3:30am, January 24, 2005.
Christopher Michael Lee-Shanok



















































Bah. I am so bored. Prasanth, Dont remove these spaces, adds to the comedy.
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