but yeah.. I am on the fucking edge of my sanity here. I'm not naming any specific reasons but its not just one thing, its a whole lot of different things.
I can't get out of bed in the morning, lost all my motivation to. I thought I found motivation, but now I'm having doubts. Its the little things. Its the little things that eat away at the back of your head. Slowly. Its the little things that really insist on tearing out the little sanity that remains inside you. Yeah thats it. IT EATS YOUR SANITY. AND IT SHITS OUT DESPAIR. EAT SANITY. SHIT DESPAIR. W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L! TOO BAD IT DIDNT SHIT SOMETHING OF MONETARY WORTH, I WOULD BE ONE RICH MOTHERFUCKER! But who cares, I don't give a shit about money anymore, I just want to be happy.
Anyways, I don't think I want to do the shit my program is training me to do anymore. Why did I come to UofT for this program? I was warned about it, but nooo, I was a fucking idiot and said "But its UofT! I'll get a great job when I graduate, and it's recognized everywhere!"
Fuck no. I won't get a great job, because its Comp Sci. It is recognized everywhere, BUT I DON'T TRY HARD ENOUGH BECAUSE IM A FUCKING RETARD. I want to do bioinformatics, but I am not smart enough. Well, its either that or I dont try hard enough. I am so FUCKED for my math and theory courses.
I start working, and I find myself drifting off onto different websites, fucking around. I Have No Attention Span. Also. I HAVE A POOR MEMORY. How the fuck am I going to memorize my biology in two weeks? Is this problem psychological? Is it because I think I can't do it I start to try less? There is a condition for that, Prasanth told me about it like a week ago but guess what? I DONT FUCKING REMEMBER IT!
On top of this, when I get pissed off, my body temperature rises I noticed, and my skin feels like im being jabbed with thousands of needles. Lately, Ive been feeling pissed off constantly. I cant sleep because I am fucking boiling here. And I'm in constant pain! Yippie Kay-aye, Motherfucker! I havn't had a dream in 8 months.
On top of this, I really don't like sharing a room with someone. Don't get me wrong, my roommate is fine, its just that for my entire life, I've been in my own room and now that I have to split one with someone else, it just doesnt feel right. I cant concentrate in here.
I have so many problems, I'ts not even funny. But instead of solving my own, I decide to put a higher priority on helping others. Ever see a Dam build up so much pressure and then one day it randomly just bursts? Pfff, I'll never be that bad but Fuck. Fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
1 comment:
Calmmmmm downnn, your very tired and frustrated. You just need to approach things differently, some way new and refreshing. And if it makes you feel any better, I don't even remember what the fuck I said.
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