when I was really depressed, i used to listen to this one song all the time. i could listen to it tirelessly. i would listen to it as i waited for the bus in the morning, as i ate lunch, as i walked with friends, and especially loved listening to it as i lay to sleep. it's funny though. i have no clue what they're saying in the damn song, i can only clear out some words. when i first started listening to it, i didn't even think it was fully english. i thought it was like a mix of english....with some language familiar to english, but not. i still think that. at least i can be 100% sure he says "some birds" in there. i don't know who sings it, thought it was coldplay, but it's not. i googled it, no meaningful information. i don't know why i like it, or listen to it. i've listened to it so much, i should have gotten tired of it long time ago, like i have already done with so many songs. i guess it's because i don't understand it. what if it's not even english? maybe just me listening to it so many times, trying so god damn hard to relate the words to english.... that i've somehow blurred the distinction between something that’s real and something that i want so bad to be, and ended up with sounds that my brain interrupts as "english words". i don't know if you lost me there, but i'm sure you've all done it too, im just a bad writer. sometimes, i wish, actually most of the time, that i could listen to it as if it's my first time. with a clear mind, one without any type of...i don't know the word, "triggers"? or "experience", basically i want my brain to not try to match it up with things it as already learned from it from experience, but embrace the glory of mystery, the feeling you can only feel when it's the first time. i guess that is impossible, since as soon as i realize i don't understand it, i'd start trying too. when i do find the truth, it would only open the doors and lead the way on to dissatisfaction and the final end, when i just stop listening to it because i've listened to it over and over again. what the hell? that isn't fair, i finally know what it means. does that mean i should search endlessly for the truth, the meaning, but simotaneously hoping, wishing, that i would never find it? is that what forever means? is that what love is?
4 comments:
My friend was like that. But he knew the words. Infact it was playing on repeat when his mom found him handing by a noose in his basement.
awww you guys are so nice, i feel lucky to have asshole friends like you guys. sorry, HAD to add asshole in there, you know im not into writing soft things...or saying. thanks
hey i didn't mean the assholes! oh Drew was talking about that right word that i didn't know.
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