Good Night..

December 23rd 2004 11:59AM
Listening -
Avril Lavign's Album
BoA's Albums
BeForU's Album

i couldn't sleep last night.. don't know if it is because ive been out the whole day.. or what happened yesterday
anyway.. i decided to record down everything that happened between me and shelley before i forget totally
its weird that there are snowblow trucks (two of them actually) outside right now when my house is in a construction site.. hmm
anyways, here is everything that happened.. according to me at least

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today we went to uoft's Froish, or w/e.. basically a playday for ppl who wants to get into engineering
after that we went to mcdonalds to wait for pv to get off work.. who thought that the ut thing was at night, and was disappointed when he heard it was over, since he told shelley that they were going after work
since we were already there, i wanted to stay behind, but durwyn and chris had to get home, chris was pretty pissed when he left
first kent got off work, and ronny came.. she we were just eating up stairs, and finally shelley showed up
this is the first time i saw her in person, but not the first time i met her
we met during the summer during a party at spenta's house. she called me thru pv's cellphone saying hi, and i was like wtf.. lolz
and after that she wanted me to go to pmall wit her cux she needed to do something and pv(who was suppose to go wit her) can't make it cux of work
i couldnt make it either tho cux of fatima's party.. but i kinda missed her party too.. kinda bad
but yes, so we went to the arcade, ronny, kent and pv was so crazy about initial d
at first kent was being mean to shelley, then he went off to play
shelley looked so bored, and when me and pv left she left wit us
she was so depressed, and when i asked her whats wrong she said nothing
i asked pv if shes always like that and pv said this is the first time he saw her like that
the night after shelley added me on msn saying shes sorry that she was like that the day b4.. thatz how we met

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i have been webcamming with shelley for a while now
lately i had weird thoughts in my head, because i think i am slowly having a crush on shelley.. thru webcam?
and at the same time i think she likes me too, but hey.. i think this wit almost all the gurls i have a crush on, i mean who doesnt lolz
also, one night she waited for me to go online till 1am when my net was down and i couldn't go on
tonite shelley told me that she would be my gurlfriend, i was so shocked.
at first i thought she was joking because we were actually talking about how i never went out before
but then she said she wasn't just kidding around
i guess this is where a new chapter starts in my life

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right after she said she would be my gf, she said she wanted to see me, so i went into dt just for her, and i waited for half an hour at eaton for her
we met, and she ate at mcdonalds.. we chatted a while
when we came out she held my hand, this is.. sadly the first time i held a gurl's hand
we walked all the way back to her house, which i found really neat.. and i felt really good at the time when i was wit her
she bought a coffee just bcux i mentioned that i wanted a coffee when i was waiting for her at eaton centre, and we shared the coffee (altho at somepoint she said she dun really like drinking coffee much)
we walked thru a park near her area (think me pv and jason went thru here b4 when we were walking from jas' to eaton)
i learnt so much about her during this walk. about her ex, her "bf" from china who said he doesn't like her, and many guys she met on QQ that likes her
we walked near her house, and thatz where we parted.. it was infront of a auto shop
she took a few shots wit the cam on her cellphone, and suddenly a guy behind us said "that is a really nice shot".
he was the owner of the auto shop, closing up.. when he said that i felt like me and shelley was from hong kong and came to a country as a vacation.. guess too much tv eh?

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Today's date was actually arranged before we even started going out
it is because she wanted a person to be as her "fake" boyfriend, so the guy that likes her would give up
apparently this guy liked her for four years, since when they were both in china.. and they both immigrated at the same time, what luck
since we are now going out, guess no more pretending =)
i waited for her for quiet a while at pape station.. during the time i called chris lee, prasanth, and played lots of mindblaster
the place we went was at dragon centre's echo karaoke... everyone was late so me and shelley was just in the mall chatting
then suddenly this other guy that likes her showed up, what luck
finally kent and ronny showed up, and sooner or later that guy and his friend showed up
at first i didn't really hate him nor like him, he was just neutral
when we went into the karaoke room, he asked everyone for their names
when he got to me, he made the gayest joke of all time

Dood: "whats your name"
Cool: "Bill"
Dood: "Bill? are you serious"
Cool: "Yes"
Dood: "hahahahaHAHA, you must really like money then"
Cool: "uh"
Dood: "Maybe i should change my name to Cash, HahahaHAHAH"
Dood2 "HAHAHA"
Cool: "ha..ha?"

i can't sing.. but good thing shelley is a good singer, so her voice can cover up my bad singing ^^
and that guy.. what a fag.. and right before he left he deleted all the songs i picked.. what a fag
and wtf, he paid for my gf.. when i think i should be paying instead... -____-''
shortly after he left, shelley sat on my laps.. and we chatted
a lil while after her head came closer.. and i knew i should kiss her.. perfect timing.. but i couldn't since i never kissed ne one b4.. so i turned my head and.. laughed. (yes, pathetic)
she prob knew what was going on, a few mins later she kissed me.. and thats how my first kiss happened
for the next few dates (yes, even during my geometery and chemistry test) i couldn't stop thinking about that)
since she said she feel really fortunate when we put our forehead against each other, we did that again.. but this time i broke her glasses ><
blah, why m i so stupid, good thing she had like 5 more pairs at home.. lolz
but if she didn't i wouldve got her new ones.. i mean its horrible if i break them and just be like.. blah
afterwards we were suppose to go out for dinner.. but i couldn't cux my dad called me and yelled at me and told me to go home
i told shelley she could go with Na, Janny, Ronny and Kent, but she said no.. she would leave with me. How sweet.. =)
we kissed/madeout again at the subway station, and the way i go

---

today we went to the community centre, cux i told her i want to watch her play piano
she kept saying shes not very good, but when we got there she got a whole binder full of music sheets
since the pianos at the ossington community centre was all full, so we sat there and waited
i m still not very comfortable with the whole thing since i ain't used to it, but at one point she came behind me and put her hands around me.. she also gave me this love note in chinese.. but it was written in june lolz
she showed me this love poem she wrong for school, and the guy she drew looked so much like me.. but i think that was drawn b4 she met me as well lolz
finally we got into a room with a vacant piano, and i watched her play piano.. it was fasinating since she told me she learnt these all by herself
she probablly thought i was bored to death, but i wasn't.. i actually enjoyed watching her play
afterwards we went to dragoncentre for fishballs, and then we went to buy sushi
man sushi is expensive, and i felt horrible because she insisted to pay
we ate it on the street car, it was so cute cux she dropped soya sauce, and if it wasnt for me holding a napkin under her mouth it prob wouldve went on her clothes
half way to our stop, we stopped at this store that sells erotic outfits.. and at the front there is two people wearing erotic outfits dancing, shelley was laughing cux she said one of them winked at me
we finally got off at a intersection, and we waited for the bus to come (i thought the bus was to her house, but apparently not)
during the time she taught me how to crush a popcan w/o stomping on them.. that is why i have been doing it at lunch almost everyday.. and stop calling it the "sissy" way
when the bus came, she told me to get on, but she wasnt getting on
i was confused cux i promised her i would walk her home, but apparently her house was right at the intersection
by the time i found out the bus already left, time to wait for the next one =p
i m actually glad that i stayed, because afterwards we kiss/madeout.. and people was staring at us lolz
everytime we kissed, i felt so.. so free, happy.. reliefed.. because altho my school stuff is bugging me so much, i know out of all the crap going on there is still one girl that loves me alot.. and i know that this is the only thing that is good in my life at the moment
when i left i felt so lonely.. o how i wished that shelley lived next door to me.. and went to the same school as me so i can see her night and day.. sigh

---

today is a date that we've arranged right after our first date, a trip to First Markham Place
i went through so much trouble trying to figure out a way to get there
i found out a bus route.. but it would cost each of us $10 to there and back
so i begged my parents to let me take the car, and they allowed me
since i lived near stc, i parked my car at stc and took the subway to Pape to meet up with shelley
when i was going thru the stc subway i saw shirley, she was going to meet up wit her bf at stc.. how sweet =)
when i met up with shelley at pape, we took the subway back to stc where we walked around for a bit first
i can't believe she thought stc was bigger then eaton centre.. stc is so damn boring and small
by the time we got to FMP it was already 2pm
we spent almost an hour and a half at the sticker picture place.. we spent a total of $40
i paid $20 and she paid $20 (at first i paid $20, then she wanted mroe so she paid $10 more, then she wanted more again and she paid another $10)
it was here where i found out she also love mango juice
i got mango green tea and she got mango crush.. i think, or was it the other way around?
doesn't matter cux we traded time to time
after FMP she said she wanted fishballs at pmall, so to pmall we go
her friend wendy was there, so was my parents =S
we only went for fishballs, and after that we went back to stc (all that hardwork looking for a parking spot for nothing)
when we got back to stc, i used to only changes i have left to buy a green tea icecream for shelley, and we ate it on the way back to ossington
when we were at kennedy, she wanted to drink the melted parts my biting the bottom of the cone off, and let the melted ice cream pour out, but it poured all over her.. haha it was so cute..
and that was basically our date

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Today was an early dismissal, and for shelley she didn't even have to go to school cux of parents night (err, lucky)
at first she was suppose to come to my school at 11:30am, but since she got tied up in the morning, we met at stc instead
justin arthur and chris bicos came as well, but we went our seperate ways when we got to stc
i waited at the stc station for her.. when she came down thos stairs it is like in movies when the guy goes to the girl's house waiting for her to come down with a evening grown.. and once she comes down you are just speechless
we took a walk around stc, and finally she agrees that stc is small.. lolz
afterwards she is scared that i might starve to death, so we went to the food court.. and i got Toonie Tuesday (at first i was going to get something else cux eating Tonnie Tuesday is really rough, but she said she don't mind since she don't want to watch the way she eats infront of me in the future, and she eats Toonie Tuesday with her friends all the time any ways)
After my oily cancer lunch we sat around talking, some people from mowat walked by and saw us
Bicos came by and put a rotten sandwich infront of my face, thats when he was about to go home
me and shelley kept sitting for a while, and she gave me a scarf she made, it has a laughing cat on it that looks like me when i laugh.. haha
what a sweet birthday present. she said she was getting tired so i went with her to spadina (since she has to do omething for her mom)
during the way there i kissed her in the subway, but when we parted.. we just waved at each other.. felt awkward

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This is the dance that i have been looking forward to for the longest time, and the one that i went through so much trouble for.
why you may ask, well it is because that this is the only dance ive ever went to since grade 8, also i am going with shelley.
also, i havn't seen her for almost half a month
stupid prasanth lost my ticket when he got it, and i was so pissed, but shelley ended up getting another one for me.. but she didn't have to pay again. good thing, i would feel so bad if she did have to pay again
she was so beautiful.. so sweet.. so.. hmm.. awkward
she seems to be really uncomfortable.. dont know why? mb cux this is the first time weve been together infront of her friends? who knows
the bus ride there was so bad.. i wanted to barf the whole way, don't know why.. just felt sick
shelley was so tired that she slept, but instead of sleeping on my shoulders she slept against the window.. hmm..
first it was just sitting around chatting b4 dinner, me and shelley didn't sit together cux i had to go take up another table, and she was sitting with her other friends on the other table..
rite b4 dinner it was a price give away, there was dvd player, mp3, and a phone.. but the ticket i had dind't even have numbers, and shelley didn't win ne thing either.. she seemed sad about it.. but what can i do?
after dinner was the dance, which is the most awkward position ive ever been in
i feel like that guy in the story we had to read in our english class, where he brings the girl to the dance club when he knows he can't dance. and he ended up having a horrible date
that is basically what happened to me, i can't dance. we spent the first 15 mins just standing there, i asked her if she wanted to try dancing with me but she said no...
i felt so stressed that i went to the washroom the wash my face.. when i come back i see her having so much fun with her friends, that kinda tells ya somethin eh?
so the whole time i tried as hard to let her b alone so she could have fun, since everytime i m wit her again she seemed to uncomfortable
pv tried to help, kinda make things even more weird.. and i kinda feel weird when she is more friendly / close wit other ppl then me, but o well
when we sat at the table it was better.. not much but a lil
she was much more talkitive, and we had fun. but it made me feel weird when i saw her friend and her friend's bf doing everything me and shelley used to do when we first started dating.. like kisses and cuddle etc.
i kept thinking.. what is wrong with us.. why are we so awkward with each other.. and quiet, and etc.
the whole thing ended at 11:45pm, and we got back to eaton at around 12:15am. she seemed so tired/sad when we got off, pv jen and the couple went into eaton while shelley just walked off to the street car stop, so i followed her.
she seemed egered to leave, cux she kept asking if there is a street car yet, like she wants to get away asap..
and when she went in the street car.. she didn't even look back (which.. she usually do)
there is something wrong..

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Happy Birthday to me.. this is probablly the worst birthday anyone could ever get
instead of spending time with my friends at jack astors this year, i decided to spend my time with shelley.. the girl who is slowly drifting away from me
it was the most awkward date we've probablly ever had. prob cux we didn't even hold hands.. ha.. meh
a few days before she told me "on ur birthday i have to tell you two words" and it seemed to me it was happy birthday.. but i think it couldve been applied to something else.. "break up"
most of the time we were just walking around.. while she was looking for a usb key and asking fido how to put pix onto her cell. pmall is so boring
went to market village, she saw her dad.. not her real dad, but u no wut i mean
it was somewhere here that she started telling me her story.. which basically leads to us breaking up
when i was driving her to the stc RT station, i told her to open up a box.. when she took it out it was a big heart-shaped jar filled with starts (half way filled at least)..
it was very depressing at that very moment because what she just told me, and i felt bad at the same time since i put her in a really awkward position...
well i guess all i have left to say is happy birthday bill.. hope u have a happy birthday with the news you just received.
this is almost like saying happy birthday to someone who's family is all dead
you know it is impossible for them to have a happy birthday...

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Shelley have been ignoring some of my phonecalls lately, don't know if it is coincidence or not
today i went to eaton centre with Fatima, Andrew, Lindsy, Courtney, Jennifer and Spenta. Candice and Prasanth was suppose to come, but coincidently, both of them couldn't make it (the only two people i told my problems to)
the whole time i can't really keep my mind from thinking about shelley, and what is going on between us
i really want to tell her something, but it is impossible when she ignored all my phonecalls today
I saw emily and connie as well at eaton, and everytime i see her i just tell her how stressed i am..
i also so erica, but i just say "erica you suck", and she would just punch me and we walk away lolz
when fatima and courtney got in an argument i wasnt even in the mood to give inputs since my own problem was bugging the crap out of me. After we skate i was to tired, and my legs were hurting. At the same time i had a stomach ache all day and a headache as well. I don't know why, but i decided to wait for shelley to get off work even though i was in such a bad mood i should really go home. i would probably fuck things up even if i get a chance to talk to her
i got there at 9:50pm, and waited till 10:55pm for her to get off work
when she did get off work, she was on her cellphone when it was pretty obvious that i had to talk to her. maybe waiting one hour for her to get off work isn't obvious enough. Kent came over and talked to me.. but shelley just used this time to walk away
since i was in a really bad mood and wasn't up for bs. also i no telling her what i wanted to tell/ask her wouldn't help much, so i decided to just leave and forget about it
Kent just flipped out on me saying "telling her later won't be the same as telling her right now!! Don't go or you'll regret" etc. etc. etc., but meh... like shelley once said to me "sometime you don't have to say it out loud as long as you know that the person knows it inside"
just my luck, when i was at the lowest point of my life, there is a naked drunk bum sleeping face up at the southbound queen's subway entrance.. i was so pissed off that i was going to kick his balls off
but a) i rather not look at it for too long b) i was desperate to leave the place
this is the end of the story.. and end of the memories..
maybe we will stay friends, maybe not.. i guess only time would tell

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writing this whole thing started out really depressing.. since i started out with the recent stuff. but as i go back to the stuff in the pass, i figured that i had a really nice time. like my friend said to me "ignored the sad parts and remember the happy times" so i m glad i recorded this down, so i can read this whenever i want, and remember the happy times i had with shelley
In a way i want to thank her since i have never been so close with a girl before..
leaving for new york tomorrow.. (saturday), hope that will help me get my mind of this..
listening to BoA/Avirl Lavigne's albums while writing this isn't a very smart idea..
merry "death-wish" christmas
good bye. 5-2-0-1-3-1-4