Olympics

From what I have seen so far (which is not very much,) Canada Sucks. Christ. If we took all our medals, and melted them down, we wouldnt be able to fill a beer mug. The U.S. already has like a thousand beer mugs more than us.

Canadian athletes need more training i guess, and what better way to force them into shape than a runaway confederate monster truck chasing them down? Hell, it could even make an awesome event!

The training seems to be successful. We have the fastest 400m dash athlete, with a world record, AND it inspires new jobs! SOMEONE has to clean up the bloody mess from the failures. Alongside these benefits, the additional publicity from possible deaths will bring upon new advertising opportunities! Just imagine! More fucking Mc Donald's ads EVERYWHERE. Just what we fucking need. And last but not least, this same training could be applied to weight loss diets. Burn calories? No! Simply chase them around a track, and they will literally shit the fat out of themselves for fear of their lives. Screw Atkins. Fear not, ms. chem teacher, there is a cure for your misery. The excess fat could be used to grease women for foxy boxing.

...im never drinking again...

Image Credit: Something Awful